end-gaining
https://x.com/ChrisChipMonk/status/1944077342923743396
Why does so much psych advice reverse causality? “Learn to set boundaries” “Accept yourself” “Be mindful” “Practice saying hard things” “Seek rejection” “Trust your gut” — but these are all CONSEQUENCES of feeling secure about stuff, not things you can “do”
https://x.com/RogerThisdell/status/1947690947585970247
A great bodhisattva ambition is to adhere to a high standard of theory of mind, such that we make the cognitive effort to remember what it was like to NOT have certain insights.
I have read entire books, by highly esteemed Buddhist master's, that were trying to be prescriptive to students about how to practice, but were really just descriptive of the author's living state. Arguably, to the right minds, these books serve as transmissions, but for many what is being described is not actually appropriate instructions for where the student is at in their journey; and the authors seemed to totally fail to consider this.
May we better meet those where they are and put in the energy (despite the mental tax) to model different set ups of mind - even if it means foregoing greater personal freedom from suffering.
We do it to bring more along with us.
https://x.com/sunsettler/status/1954623492915147169
a common mistake when doing fetters inquiry: end-gaining, expressed through tension.
end-gaining is an amazing concept i learned from The Alexander Technique by Pedro de Alcantara. it means fixating on the end result of a process you're doing, instead of the process, which usually makes the process fail.
in fetters inquiry, this is often expressed (unknowingly) through tension. for example, you're working on reactivity and you know the end goal is not feeling bad when bad things happen to you. yet, you're not done yet, and you're feeling bad. you subconsciously tense against / push away these bad thoughts. maybe it's accompanied by thoughts of "these feelings aren't even real / shouldn't be felt / etc".
this is not helpful. remember that negative emotions like anger, anxiety, etc are chiefly composed of layers of tension (thing happens -> refusing to accept that thing happened -> this feels bad -> tensing against the bad feeling). adding more tension on top of that doesn't resolve it. that's why a key part of working on reactivity is actually opening yourself up to and experiencing fully these negative emotions. you're gradually unwinding this tower of tension, until all that's left is a valence-neutral core, and perhaps some physical effects (the adrenalin component of fear, for example)
https://x.com/corbindreams/status/1954758360861212820
i feel like this is such a common metalearning trap that learners/teachers fall into
i see it a lot in music, “just go with the flow!!” when you dont even have minimally sufficient mastery/fluency to speak one original sentence yet
https://x.com/ChrisChipMonk/status/1939727014556311813
People say “learn to set boundaries!” as if it’s a skill issue, not an insecurity issue. In actuality,
SETTING BOUNDARIES IS COMPLETELY EFFORTLESS WHEN YOU FEEL SECURE
[2025-01-14 at 12:39]
wait u can be grateful but also like . being grateful is also sorta like . also just another a temporary thing that patches a bottomless thing
i feel like it’s rly moreso like . being grateful is a side effect of a more fundamental relation to the world like in the sense of you’re less tweaking and less contractions and less tanha n wtvr