20251125 meditation log
10pm, 10 mins??
i wanted to use a guided relaxation audio to try to segue into positive emotions (then hopefully jhana). i put on the audio then ended up falling asleep. oops lol. good nap tho
12am during shower, 10 mins?
before shower i was thinking abt running and how it took way less than <50 hours for me to be able to run 10+ miles (ok i counted it was like 26 run sessions with ~23 total hours... wow lol) and also how one of the biggest beginner mistakes (which was also my biggest mistake) was trying to run too fast at first and thinking "running is just a mental game, i can just push push push" and so i'd run 1 mile, maybe 2 max, and it would be rly rly torturous and i wouldn't keep a consistent habit. but then earlier this year i tried Not thinking about it like that, and i tried just jogging, just trying to optimize for keeping a consistent enjoyable habit of jogging (while also being ever-so-slightlyyy uncomfortable for the sake of improvement/progress), and it turns out wow that's a much better way of doing things. sure yes our minds can push us to do great things but it was way better to treat it less like purely a mental game and more like physical progressive overload at the gym, and obviously you're not gonna PR each time, etc etc.
tried doing breath meditation
noticed brain fog / lots of bleh tension like whoa im always in a state of like . opposite of content and , but like not super clear like noisy mind w lots of voices, its more like school cafeteria + dark clouds . this feels very bleh n ick
continued breath meditation but more open awareness, less constricted, and ultimately less focused reeling in the distractions and more trying to just softly hug the cloud while being attentive to my breath in open awareness
then tried bunny method
i am bunni .. Enjoyer of Things i am bunni .. ENJOYER OF THINGS i am Bunni .. ENJOYER OF THINGS!!!!!! i am bunni ...... happy..... sitting in happy puddle.... i am bunny... lobotomy... lobotomi in happi puddle....
the bunny method seems to be working
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another experiment in the shower
the breath meditation wasnt rly working again
instead of trying to get into flow state like w boring tedious dumb homework, tried to get into flow state like tennis, it worked
bunny method wasnt working
came up with a new bunny joke (Hehehehhe + poop), it worked
it seems like Maybe you just need an initial spark to get the ball rolling, like a bic lighter
i'm reminded of when i was getting into running, it was like . during a run session, i couldn't do the first 1-2 miles too fast or else i'd be too tired for the rest of it and i wouldn't be able to run as far/long as i wanted to. instead, i had to earmark the first 1.5 miles as a warmup stage, and then i'd feel almost like a new reservoir of energy was unlocked and i could go until the 3 mile mark and i'd just have to push from 3.0 to 3.5 miles and then i'd unlock another new reservoir of energy and i could go until the 5 mile mark and i'd just have to push from 5.0 to 6.0 and then i'd unlock [... etc] -- i feel like this might be analogous somehow
relax -> spark -> continuity --> j1 --> etc ???
i wonder how reproducible the bunny method is, and next time i also wanna see if i can replicate the tennis flow state method by trying to imagine texture of receiving a tennis serve
1am, 20 mins?
tried doing breath thing again, tried doing tennis thing, didnt work ugh But then i tried not micro-managing it, and it worked
it was like whoa of course i cant always micro manage it just like i cant always micro manage a tennis forehand, you usually have to let it do itself / you do it in one fluid motion / ykwim?
then i couldnt spark a pos emotion, bunny method wasn't working :/
then i tried building a better foundation of relaxation
and still couldnt spark a pos emotion
then i "asked the ball" (or, "asked my body") what to do and approximately mostly it was like hm just sit here and relax
then i sat there for a few mins, still couldnt spark a pos emotion. but it was nice and didnt feel too bad, felt decently relaxed